CLAIRE BIBLE
Writer Girl
Claire Bible: They would have open mics on campus, and at first I would just go and I would just listen, but then I got a little braver and I was already writing poetry. At that point I thought, I’m gonna sign up. So I signed up, and I read maybe one or two pieces, and I thought, I need to keep doing this. I was getting such a good response to my poetry, and I was saying to myself, Holy mackerel, really? So I kept creating it, and I always signed up, and I eventually decided, you know what? This is going to be me. At the end of the day, I’m going to be writer girl, I’m going to play as many open mics as I can in my two years here, and really just find my voice. Sometimes I read my poetry, other times I would get up and sing—Jingle Bell Rock and occasionally a Bonnie Rait song. I would jump up and sing with my friends. I was always screaming along when everyone else would sing. My taste in music definitely was influenced by my open mic days out in Boston. Jimmy Buffett always played a big role musically for me. The first song I remember learning how to sing was ”Come Monday.” That one and “Someday Soon” by Suzy Bogguss. Those are two of the first songs I learned to sing. I started getting into more random stuff as I got older. I think it’s part of having a brother who’s a musician, but I think the part was, Hey this is a new song. I like this. Who’s it by?
I think the first song that really changed my perspective—two songs that changed my perspective—were “Wonderwall” by Oasis and “Start Wearing Purple” by Gogol Bordello. They really changed just the way I looked at music. It’s really easy to hold to what you know, but if you can find a way of journeying into new territory with music and remembering who you were musically before but letting yourself grow musically, I think that’s the biggest thing you do in life is your taste in music. It really defines who you are as you get older. I love that I was a pop princess. I love that I got into hard rock as I got older. I love that I still listen to Golden Oldies. I think music plays a big part in who you are.
Where I Belong
Nicki Pombier: Is there a moment that you can remember where you felt like, this is what I was looking for? This is different than Lesley. This is what I was looking for.
Claire Bible: The first time I walked around campus, I just remember sitting on the grass and leaning back my elbows and thinking, This is where I belong. This is where it is. This is my beginning. And settling in at Edgewood was just wonderful. I was finally living in the dorms. I mean, I lived in the dorms in Massachusetts, too, but we weren’t really integrated in with dorm life. Here I was, Edgewood College, integrated in dorm life. It was heaven. My first dorm was tiny, and I loved it. It was kind of like my own little hobbit hole. But I could get my entire universe in there. I just loved having the quiet. I loved not having a roommate, having it be just me, finally. I had a quiet study--I could study for hours. I could go to bed when I wanted, I could have friends over when I wanted, I could do whatever when I wanted. I was close to the cafeteria, because the first floor was actually the cafeteria, and then the rest was dorms. The bottom was actually the theater department, so all the things I love, all connected in one building. Fabulous! I loved it. I loved that I could roll out of bed, have a quick breakfast, and go to my first class of the day, which was theater class. And in my last year, I actually moved up the hill to Dominican. Also fabulous. I had my own bathroom. And for the first time in my life, I had a foyer. It was just nice. I came home to what felt like my own little apartment at the end of the day. And just sprawl out. I had so much floor space. At that point, I was taking a design class, and I said to myself, this is great! I can spread out! I can spread out to work! It was fabulous!
The Power to Communicate
Claire Bible: Oh gosh, that was so much fun. We’d get on the bus early, early in the morning, like 5 AM early, and we would bomb around Wisconsin, competing against different high schools. I actually got picked for the state team. It was like, Holy wow. I had tried a piece out in drama class, but I was a little shaky about taking it on the circuit, so maybe a little while later in my drama class, Harden suggested another piece, and it was The Miracle Worker. And it gave me the chance to portray Helen Keller. And I could not turn it down, taking it on the road. And it was the most challenging, exciting, exhilarating theater work I have ever done. I am so proud of that, because it took literally everything in me, to portray Helen Keller! I mean, it’s an amazing, humbling thing to do to portray someone so amazing with a disability, in the disability community itself.
My scene partner and I at the time, we worked so hard. We did the kitchen scene? So it was very physical in everything we had to do, from figuring out how to throw the spoon, to okay, you’re going to lift me, and I’m going to be kicking at the air. Once, we couldn’t find a place to rehearse, so we rehearsed in my living room. We kicked my parents out, and we just took over the living room.
I remember that rehearsal because that was when we had to figure out, Emily was going to hold me by my shoulders and I was going to kick at the air. I think that took the better part of an hour to figure out how to do. Doing the signing at the end when we figure out that Helen does have the power to communicate. Water. A simple word like water signed in to her palm, that’s what reached her. Helen Keller just amazing me in my own life too, She’s such a role model. It was such a gift to have an opportunity to portray a role model. It doesn’t happen every day of the week.
I got to revisit The Miracle Worker again when I was in college. They were doing a production, and they found a small role for me. I got to be one of the teachers at the school of the blind, because one of the big leads had gotten cast. It wasn’t a big deal, I would’ve been fine not being in it, but I had a wonderful professor who was also casting the show, and he knew I had some knowledge of it. I don’t think he felt bad. I just auditioned. I didn’t think, Oh I’m going to get a part. Whenever I’ve auditioned, I’ve always told myself, Don’t be upset if you don’t get a part, because everybody else is wanting a part too, it’s not just you. Whoever gets cast gets cast. I’m still going to go to the show and watch it no matter what, because I’m addicted to theater. And I had a small walk-on. And it was fabulous. And one thing that I loved, even though I had a small part, was the long rehearsals. I was there for it all and I got to hang out backstage and not only could I see Helen Kekler’s life in front of my eyes, but it was making sense to me. Here are the parts that I know intimately and well, but here are other parts that speak to me just as much as the scenes that I do know. It was wonderful revisiting that. It’s a production I’ll never forget.
Passion
Claire Bible: There are parts of disability that I was aware of, but I never had experienced, because I was always in the mainstreamed inclusion. I was always integrated, and I was always pushed. That’s not always true in some communities. And since I’d never seen it, I’d never felt it. It wasn’t until I was in college that I was really like, I’m really a part of this movement. I’ve always been aware of the movement. I’ve always been really interested in history, and that’s one of the areas that I shined the most in school. I knew about the Civil Rights Movement, because I studied it in school, but then I thought to myself, Hold on. There’s another civil rights movement that I don’t know about, disability civil rights. There’s a whole other set of people that aren’t even in my history books, that I’m not reading about. Who are they? It might’ve started with Helen Keller, it might’ve started with somebody else, but we’re all a part of that movement. We’re all a part of that dance. I just want to be a part of that dance. I’m not afraid to make waves. I’m not afraid to push for change. I know what’s important. I know what to fight for. And when I went off for college the first time, when I moved out east, I didn’t know what I was moving into really. I knew I was going to be part of a program for people with disabilities, but I didn’t know anything about the students or the teachers or anything really. I didn’t go in there completely naive, but I definitely went in there completely naive about the advocacy that would come out of it. It was being on campus but not being on campus that got to me.
What that means is, we shared the buildings and the campus, but they had their own set curriculum. I wasn’t taking college classes with my peers. Threshold was designed to be an independent living program, so it teaches independent living skills. With that, I was so glad I was taking those classes, because I needed that. I’m pretty independent, but it was stubborn independence then. And I think those classes really helped me to become independent and live the life I’m living now. But outside of that, its coursework was geared toward a middle school level. It was a college program, but it wasn’t really a college program. It was kind of like an extension of high school. An extra two years. And then it had two years after the original two that places you more into the community, and it sets you up for employment, but it doesn’t set you up for meaningful employment at the time. It set you up for, Okay, you're a bagger in the grocery store and that’s your life. You’re a bellboy at a hotel, so now that’s your life. It was more about okay, get a job. It’s about money. Not, let’s think about employment and what’s meaningful work to you. It was always about money. I was the only one that said, Well I want to love what I do.
I remember a few of my friends turning to me and saying, Claire, you’re not supposed to love your job, You’re supposed to get money. I was like, Really? Is that really how you guys see it? Is it just about money? You're going to spend the rest of your life doing this. And it’s just about money? There has to be some passion. And I don’t think being a bellboy for a hotel is all that passionate. It wasn’t me. And I knew it wasn’t me, and that’s what made me look for other opportunities that would kind of bust me out of that Alice in Wonderland—small door with the talking doorknob? I was always looking for that doorknob. So I could unlock it and turn it and tumble into a whole different universe of thought.
How Do I Want This Day to Go
Claire Bible: I could feel the transcendence just walking around the campus. I could just be me. I could study whatever I wanted, There were no restrictions. That was such a beautiful feeling. I was creating my life. I was creating my days. I was taking classes that I had dreamed of studying. The first class I fell in love with was dramatic literature and art history, which I’ve absolutely fallen in love with. Anything that had me involved in the arts. So I pretty much studied theatrical arts and English classes when I was at Edgewood. Took a lot of different writing classes. I took a technical design class in my last year at Edgewood that was a wonderful challenge for me. I’ve always been fascinated by the behind the scenes stuff as much as I love being onstage, so I thought, Here’s a chance to really study it and I loved it. I had a blast, and I met so many extraordinary people. I was in regular ed classes with other students going to the college. I was taking classes on my level. I didn’t feel like I was still lost within the throes of middle school or the middle school social scene. I could be an adult. I didn’t feel like I was being treated like a child for a second. It was more like, Okay here’s my day, here’s my life. Let’s do it. How do I want this day to go? I will always look back on my cutting edge years with a big, fat, jack-o-lantern grin.
Find a Way Out
Nicki Pombier: What did you do when you realized that the program was aimed at planning for a future that didn’t necessarily match the kind of future you wanted?
Claire Bible: The minute I realized that, I knew I had to find a way out. Every student had to apply for the Transition program. That wasn’t even a conversation. Every student went home for Christmas with the application, with the knowledge that when you came back, you would hand it in. I didn’t hand mine in. I was sitting at my desk staring at it, and thinking to myself, I don’t want this life. I don’t want to spend another year in Massachusetts. I don’t want to be stuck in this rut. I was out east around Christmas, and my dad called me and was like, Hey, I heard a great presentation tonight about a program starting here in Madison called Cutting Edge. Are you interested? I snapped that up real fast. I’m like, Yes I am. I realized what I wanted to do. I wanted to come home and be successful in Madison. I wanted to be in an inclusionary, integrated program. And I wanted to be done with Massachusetts. So I applied and I got in the program. So when I went back out to Boston, I had a plan. That went over like a ton of bricks. Nobody thought I could do it. I had a few professors actually tell me that it was commendable that I wanted to try, but I couldn’t do the work at that level. I came out of that conversation and I was walking back toward the dorm and a tree split down the middle. Luckily, I have good reflexes, and I jumped, but it came crashing down. Luckily it didn’t splatter me flat. But I got myself out of there, and all I felt was determined. I thought, you’re wrong, I’m determined, and nothing can change my mind. This is the right thing for me. One thing I definitely remember thinking and feeling back then was, What about what’s best for Claire, for once? Think about that. What’s best for me?
But I also had two professors who really believed in me and really thought I could be successful here. I remember talking about plans for the future, and having one of my professors say, Claire can do this. She can move home and be successful. I have faith that Claire can do this. But none of my friends had faith I could.
Nicki: Why do you think the other people in the program reacted the way they did?
Claire: Because they were too easily convinced to settle. They didn’t seem to want—it seemed like they feared integration. That the education we had was fine. That was college. That was the way it should’ve been. The fact that I kind of was saying it wasn't bothered them or scared them, I don’t know. And my friends outside of the program, Bonnie and David and Dan and everybody else I was hanging out with were so proud of me for getting in and totally thought I could do it.
Define Your Life
Claire Bible: I think I was around 21, 22. I went to my first conference in Atlanta, Georgia. I don’t remember the name of the conference. It was something long. But I remember thinking this is really what I’m good at. I’m good at public speaking. I have a method, and now it’s out there. And people are responding to it in such a positive way that I want to to keep doing this. This is a heady feeling! My advocacy work played out in every different way possible. It definitely played out in the way I was living, taking college classes, really studying, really just being me. Advocacy is about being myself. Which is wonderful because there’s definitely times in my life when I felt I can’t entirely be myself. I have to be what others need me to be. But when I came into my own as an advocate, I realized advocacy’s about being your best self. No matter what people say, no matter what people think. That was really freeing to me, because I didn’t have to give a damn anymore what people thought of me. I could just be. And it was so good.
Nicki Pombier: What were some of the things that people expected you to be that you resisted?
Claire: Accepting. Accepting that I wouldn’t amount to anything. Accepting that, okay, you want to go to a four-year university. That’s not reality. There’s always somebody with a disability in life who plays that devil’s advocate role: Be realistic. And yes, being realistic comes up naturally, but don’t let being realistic define your life. Accepting the fact that I wouldn’t go to college. I never accepted it. I always pushed it. And I think my parents loved me for pushing, because they pushed for it too. They were products of the 60s. They heard Martin Luther King speak! And I think the big part of it was, our kid is going to be integrated no matter what. We have to integrate these kids because how else are they going to find their way into opportunities if we just hold them back and say they can’t? They don’t have the intellectual capacity for it. That’s not true. Just within my friends with disabilities, I have seen more beauty and more intellect and more love and more passion than I have seen in anybody. It's all about the potential for greatness. Everybody has their potential to grow and to change, and it's just allowing somebody to believe in their own potential. That’s the biggest magic. There are so many people that don’t have the voice to really stand up and shout from the rafters and I get to be that voice, and that’s a beautiful feeling for me.
Adventures in Integration
Claire Bible: I knew that if I was going to fight for integration, I had to find my way into integration myself. I had to be the example. I had to show that, Hey this is a good thing. So I spent all my free time on campus. I spent most of my time at the student center, going to every play that was ever there, seeing every musician, every comedian, going to any show possible that expanded my passion for theater, open mics, My poetry found its voice there and its first home there. It was meeting the characters that have really come to define my life.
I met Dan Sharp when I was 18, and he’s the most beautiful spirit I’ve ever known. He’s such an amazing guy. And I knew once I started hanging out with Dan that I couldn’t have been hanging out with anyone better. We were at some dorm, and we were sitting on a bed, and we just started talking and toasting about poetry and life and all this wonderfulness. I’ve just been saying to myself, Wow. Here’s someone I can just be my philosophizing self with. This is someone to keep around for the rest of my life. And then I met the fabulous David Haan. And with David, it was how insanely fun he was, his sense of humor, his hair—it was always in like three different colors. It’s dark brown. Cork-screw curls, and then tie dyed different colors in places. And then it was his big smile and his bear hugs. My favorite memory was when David—it had to have been either midnight or two in the morning, and I remember, maybe it was three in the morning, it was just the two of us and a jar of marshmallow fluff, digging in. And then I met Bonnie Fay, who’s been my best friend since 18. There are so many memories. I lose count.
My favorite was when me and Bonnie—one of my old friends came to Massachusetts because he’s a musician and he was playing a gig—and we went together. We went to Club Passim, which is a club that Joan Baez played. So I got to see Ari play in this fabulous, famous club. And just hanging out with Bonnie, there was never an adventure that didn’t have Bonnie as a character in it.
I remember one. I think it was at the student center, and we wound up going into the city, we wound up hopping a bus, and we went to the Berkeley School of Music. There was this choir concert that was oh my god phenomenal. I want to say it was gospel, but I don’t remember really. It was just me and Bonnie and this gorgeous music. And it was so much fun to randomly hop on a bus and go. Boston at our fingertips. I had such a great group of friends outside of my program that I would rather be hanging out with them than my crowd, because my crowd drove me insane! Those are the friends that have really stuck with me. They’ve gotten me through it all.